Emperor Grandi's New Clothes Revisited – Or – He’s so deaf, he can’t hear the laughing

The first thing that I saw when I linked to Bruno Grandi’s latest address to his adoring public was this :

‘I am grateful to have fellow authorities who were willing to follow me at a time when others would sow doubt and dissonance in the hearts of a wounded and writhing people, afflicted with the tragic events that wracked Japan.’

And the first thing I thought was,

‘At last! Finally he understands how distraught we all are at the mess he has made of the sport’.

Then I got things into context a little, and realised he was referring to a different disaster. It is important to keep gymnastics in perspective. But this honestly is a snapshot of my immediate reaction to this part of his address.

I must confess I read the next part of Our President’s letter with growing incredulity. In fact, I do wonder if he isn’t being rather sarcastic, here :

‘Never before, and I speak from no small amount of experience, have the scores given by judges so accurately reflected athlete performances. With few exceptions, easily identifiable cases that were swiftly corrected, judging today is of a rare calibre. This result is the fruit of our judges’ labour, and for that they have my utmost respect. Because of their commitment the product gymnastics has to offer has been enhanced and perfected.’

Surely, even President Grandi can’t be serious?  I've heard of spin, but this is ridiculous.

And the thing is, what does Mr Grandi actually do, apart from write deluded letters and messages to his public? I would quite like it, if only for comedic purposes, if the FIG would issue one of those fly-on-the-wall documentaries on its Youtube site. They could shadow our President Bruno over a period of a month or so, depicting him heroically leading meetings and conferences, potently taking important decisions about the future of gymnastics. Attending (even participitating in) big girls gymnastics-for-all displays in the mountains and lakes of Switzerland, home of the FIG. Practicing yodelling with the locals in an attempt to bring his sporting messages to the world.

Perhaps I am departing somewhat from reality here, but no more or less than President Bruno himself, and I am least comforted to understand that someone else in the world of gymnastics shares my over developed sense of fantasy and imagination.

What do you think of his statement?

Grandi is the voice of the FIG as much as anything. He is a politician. Quite obviously he has done a bit of PR training, and read a book by Alastair Campbell, the notorious UK government ‘spin doctor’. He has, therefore, learned that if you are the President, anything can be true if you only have the bare-faced cheek to say it. Only a few weeks ago, the Code was a ‘timebomb’, but now the sport it codifies is ‘enhanced and perfected’. Bravo, Emperor Bruno! You have taken spin to a new level! Time to invite Mr Campbell to Lausanne for a masterclass in wilful obfuscation! If only you had been Prime Minister, and not Tony Blair, we’d be having an exhibition of Iraqi WMD in the Tate Modern by now. Probably made of papier mache.

Emperor Grandi is standing proudly beside his exhibit, stark bollock naked.  He even has a copy of The Complete Tales of Hans Christian Andersen in one hand, a gift from a kind passer-by.  People are laughing, and pointing, like the boy in the Emperor’s New Clothes. But still the Emperor can't hear their uproarious, clamorous outbursts.